I’ve been fostering my daughter’s cat while she prepares to move into a new home.  Here are the papers she was served yesterday:

EVICTION NOTICE

In addition to being a free-loading, pseudo independent yet arrogant tenant, the pictured individual wreaks of entitlement.  She demands that her aging landlord meet, without fail, on the “petting rug” every time the landlord walks into the house. The landlord is expected to clean up the tenant’s excrement daily.  If the tenant’s meals are not delivered on time, her protests would wake the dead. The landlord is informed daily when the sun comes up whether or not the boundaryless boarder has any particular needs to address.  Unfortunately for the landlord, a full moon seems to confuse the domestic inhabitant who likes to sound the “sun up” alarm at random intervals throughout the night.   One of the freeloading squatter’s most memorable feats is the “pop and run”.  This is when the loitering leech skulks off to the side and rear of the recliner where the landlord rests.   This activity always begins with the tenant displaying large pupils.  If the landlord ignores her long enough, the crazed occupant will spring up from the side, execute a quick bite, then run like a crafty little coward.

Miss Kitty must vacate the premises no later than noon on Sunday, but preferably by the previous Saturday evening to allow her landlord one good night’s sleep before the new tenants arrive on Sunday).

Despite her selfish qualities, Princess Kitty will be greatly missed.